Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Poise and Grace - something more

The past two years have been tumultuous, to say the least; the last year in particular has been especially rough for all of us, but especially for my baby girl Kaya.

Baby girl is definitely a malapropism. This year she turned 13, is now almost 5'7" and is as slender and willowy and ethereal as a fantasy princess.

She is growing so fast - she is a full fledged young lady! But in my heart I see her as she looks above so tiny, imagining herself a fairy full of wonder in a world that is determined to rob us of all the wonder there could be.   I could write a blog about how she is growing, and what that means, and how it affect us both, but I did that a bit two year ago.

I could describe how beautiful and thoughtful she is, how brilliant and creative she is, but most people don't even have to meet her and can see that in a heartbeat. And most of us can all write similar accolades of our children as they grow into adulthood. I know I will in the next year as my son completes his senior year of high school. Its like a rite of passage.

But this is more than all that.

In reality, she has done more than just grow in to a wonderful young lady; she has become an model of a force to be reckoned with, a superb and surreal example grace under pressure.

In the past year, she has learned extreme patience:  to wait at the doctor's office; to wait for lab work; to wait for test results; to wait for insulin to take effect; to wait and see what her numbers are; to wait to eat until she can; to wait for a snack that she can't have yet because her numbers are too high.  All that waiting has created in her a poised and  patient soul that does not need to rush through any project, who has time to wait for others, who has time to wait for her siblings and I.

In the past year, she has learned sacrifice:  to bleed for her health; to experience pain on a regular basis for her health; to give up certain foods; to sacrifice working with the sugars she needs for cake decorating and search for replacements; to sacrifice time and pause to eat, to check her glucose levels, to work out, or to administer more insulin. All this sacrifice has created in her a compassionate soul who understands that sometimes we are not as in control as we would like to be, and sometimes we have to opt for plan B, or plan C, or plan D.

In the past year, she has learned what it is to hurt:  to be pricked by needles of different sizes several times a day just to live; to be stabbed by needles that need to take her blood for testing or a glucose monitor needle that rivals a harpoon; to have emotional hurts that are worse than the physical ones; to cry in my arms on my bed when an infusion site goes bad, a glucose monitor needs goes in wrong, or her numbers are too high or too low and she feels so scared; to know what it is to have people stare at her when she has an emergency high or low and try not to feel self conscious about it.  All of this has created in her a caring soul, one that understands that we have hurts and need grace when we are in pain and hurting, and that sometimes the best medicine is a hug from someone who loves you.

She has always seemed this ethereal creature, not quite of this world, but now there is something more.

She is now more than just a wonderful young woman; she is a young woman who understands the world and the needs of herself and others more deeply. She has knowledge that many lack of the importance of her health, family, and friends, and just as we are here to help her everyday, she can be there to help us. She can give us grace as she has experienced it; she can be patient for us as she has learned patience; she sacrifice for us and help us learn to sacrifice as well. She shows us she cares every day, just as she has seen us help care for her no matter the hurt, pain, or toll involved, and then teach us to be more like her.

She is more than just a wonderful young woman, and I am so proud of her for it.