Wednesday, November 07, 2007

On Getting Busy

It’s 11:00 pm. The kids were put to bed long ago. I’ve finished doing my nightly routine of picking up the house, putting stuff away, and checking on the dog. Most of the lights are off; the doors are locked. It’s time.

I light some candles in the bedroom to set the mood. I bought a little black and red swatch of material from Victoria’s and it fits great. I put my hair up, check to see the make-up looks good, then I drape myself in the door way of the office and ask my husband, the gamer, in a husky voice, “Wanna get busy?”

His eyes don’t even twitch from the computer screen. The lights in here are brighter than the sun and he is glued to this game that he has already been playing for 2 ½ hours. You’d think he’d need some sort of break, right? And my idea is usually a top one for men, right?

I might as well have asked him what they are serving for dinner on the moon for all the attention he paid me. I mean, come on! The lights are low; the bed is turned down, and I am wearing next to nothing! Does he even give me a glimpse? No – I get this response (come on gamer-spouses, recite it with me), “Can you just give me a few minutes, hon? I’m almost done with this level.”

Ok – the mood is shot and for men who complain that they don’t get enough – this picture here is exactly why. Women are very fickle creatures, and if you don’t grab us while we are hot, you will end up with NO ACTION in return. Don’t come crying to us that you don’t get enough; when we throw ourselves at you, your eyes are glued to a fictional character in a fictional place doing fictional things.

Thus, I thought is was hilarious when my husband then showed me a video of the three Australian comedians singing about making the woman wait while they completed another level or finished gaming with their group. Their jokes about finding something to do as it may take a while are right on! Evidently, I’m not the only one who thinks this “gaming is better than sex” issue is a fairly significant one!

As all gaming spouses know, the “Just give me a minute” comment is equivalent to telling the spouse to grab a book – it’s going to be a while. War and Peace is a good choice at this juncture; so is Les Miserables. The Stand by Stephen King would also be excellent fodder for this downtime. Anything in excess of 1000 pages will be required reading if you anticipate seeing that gaming spouse anytime that evening.

If you don’t fall asleep reading (and waiting for your spouse to hit that next level), you just may get your wish and a little action. However, if you are like most gaming spouses, me in particular, you will fall asleep with that book on your face. Then, if you are really lucky, you get to try again the next night, and the next, and the next.

What a waste of makeup. I didn’t do my hair just to sleep with a nice style. I’d rather fall asleep in my flannel jammies than a skimpy, uncomfortable swatch of satin. As for me, I’ll be reading Anna Karenina. He can wake me when he’s done with this level.