Reassessment

I had an epiphany yesterday, and not necessarily the good kind. However, the resulting actions I take ARE a good thing.

So we returned from the park yesterday, and between the cool air and cold wind, we were freezing. My son tore his knee up at the park pretty badly, so we decided to skip Tae Kwon Do that night and just go to youth group later. That gave us an extra few hours at home to hang out. With that in mind, plus, since we were icy from being outside, I decided some hot chocolate was in order.

Then, it hit me that we had tortillas in the house, and wouldn't a great snack be tortillas toasted in the oven with butter, cinnamon, and sugar? I though it would be - so I made some for the kids and I. Once everything is ready to serve, we all sat together at the table and enjoyed our very new snack. The kids had never had the "homemade churros" before; in reality, I had never made them before. I was totally winging it!

As we finished and cleared the plates, my son comments on how fun that was. He says, "You don't do stuff like this very often." That actually stopped me in my tracks. I froze. "What do you mean, buddy? I make stuff all the time." "Yeah," he replied, "you make basic stuff, not stuff like this usually." At first I was taken aback - I do make "different" stuff; it is just usually fruit based and he does not care for fruity desserts and snacks.

But then I let my ears hear what he was really saying - we don't do stuff like stop in the middle of the afternoon, make a new snack, and just enjoy each other for a while. And he is right, and that is totally my fault.

When I started homeschooling, I did it because I adore being with my kids and get a kick out of teaching them. For many years we did school, but life was just as important. However, once we moved out to California, started working with a charter, had all the extra curricular activities and the like, suddenly we were all schoolwork, running around, and activities. Even on our days home, it was all school, chores, get it done. Then, by the later afternoon, we are all beat and I am ready for a nap! This was not how I wanted my school to work.

I had assessed this earlier when I realized the co-op at the church was just not working for us, so I had to stop that. Teaching those classes from my house a bit later in the afternoon works better for my schedule. But then I am still doing a co-op with friends, and we still have our extra curriculars that the kids love -they are having fun! So what to do?

It hit me when the teacher we work with for the charter commented on how much work we completed one month, even when the kids were sick! And she is right - academically, I demand a lot from the kids, and they rise to those expectations beautifully. But why is my focus so heavily on those academics when I, we, want more than that? Since we have to meet with the teacher one Monday a month, which means we lose that day for "school" for the most part, I decided to commandeer that day overall.

After our morning sports class, my kids are mine - it will be our day as a family. No school, just games, movies, baking, crafts, adventures in new places, visits with friends, that is our day to be a family again. I want to feel that contentment with my children that we used to have - and I think my taking back just one day, we can do it. We like the school schedule, the activites, the busyness, but we miss the perks of slower days. Monday is going to become that day. What a great way to start the week.

Get Writing, and Get My New Book!

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Happy Writing!

I sit here listening . . .

listening to the type type typing of fingers
on a warm keyboard
as cool breezes tickle my elbows and toes.

I sit here listening
listening to outside sounds
insects, dogs, and the passing cars
that are for once not drag racing, yet.

I sit here listening
listening to that quiet
that only comes once all the children
are asleep in their beds.

The house sighs with me.
I sit here listening
listening to the house sigh
of delicate sounds
of evening air
of children's breaths

I sit here listening.

(Michelle Dalrymple, 2009)

On My Team!

Even though I often want to believe I can do everything myself, I know I can't. Sometimes the most important thing I can have is a team in my corner, working for me.

Usually, that team is pretty much my hubby. It might be my sister, mom, or kids, but often it is Craig and I against the world. However, when something comes up that is beyond our mortal ken, like this past week with our littlest, we need more team members. And I found them.

After the most agonizing week with a primary care physician who won't see us unless we use his urgent care (not even for a follow up from the ER?! Are you kidding me?!), I called a doctor who came as a referral from another urgent care facility. I called his office on Thursday morning after poor Soph's ear looked like it exploded. He answered the phone - so at that point I had spoken to our soon to be new doctor more than our current doctor! After listening to our trials of the week, his first words were: "Can you get her here tomorrow at 8:15?" Of course, I could! By now, this doctor had DONE more than my doctor did for the whole 3 months we were is patients! My biggest concern: our insurance does not flip to him as our primary care provider until August 1. We are one week out from that.

His response: "We will either get you squished in, or we will waive the fee. Just get her here." I am totally willing to pay whatever I need to for my daughter, but already I felt relieved that here was someone else, someone who doesn't even know us, showing more concern for her than most other medical personnel in the past week. I was ecstatic. New team member number one.

We get her there right on time; he explains to his staff what we need to do with the insurance, and his receptionist gets on the line with our insurance. I knew she would get them to cover the bill, because as I went into the exam room with Soph, this is what I heard her say: "I understand that, but we have a little girl who just had a seizure, needs to see a primary care physician, and needs medical care now. Do you want her to have another seizure because she can't get in to see the doctor?" New team member number two.

The nurse who first saw us before the doctor came in was more than courteous and told me that we could not have picked a better doctor - she actually followed him from the urgent care office to this new office just to work for him. New team member number three.

The doctor and his office took great care of Sophie, fixed our insurance to cover the bill, and want her back in the office this week for another follow up. And while it took some trauma to get here, it was a result of our other horrible doctor that led us to Dr. Nguyen. I guess there is a silver lining to every bad situation. I love our new team!

The past revisited

The one thing a mother should never wear is a shirt with her daughter's blood on it. But that is exactly what I wore to the ER last night after a very strange misadventure.

Sophie was supposed to be in bed, but in a moment of bad judgment, decided to pick up one of the cats. She mishandled the cat so badly that the cat scratched her to get away. That is when I heard the screams.

I go running into the bathroom and Sophie's hand is COATED in blood -- thick and welling. I grab a rag from the closet and press it to her hand to staunch the blood. AT the same time I call to Craig for help - just how bad did the cat get her? Pretty badly -- it seems the cat somehow dug deep enough to hit a vein, hence all the blood.

Craig gets on the phone to the nurses' hotline as I inspect the damage to the hand. Not too bad maybe; the blood has already started to clot, but I can see there is a collection of blood under her skin. So I tell Sophie it doesn't look to bad when she tilts her head up to look at the ceiling. I ask her what she is looking at when her eyes roll back into her head.

I know what this is. I know it because this is what I do -- my baby is having a seizure. She starts to fall but I am still holding her wounded hand, so I half-catch her and guide her to the floor, where she begins to twitch and spasm. I am yelling for Craig to call 911, and I am frantic. I know this misery of a condition like this, and I don't want my daughter to suffer through it.

Craig has the nurse transfer him to 911 and I stop yelling at him, but now I am crying because I am in such a panic. Sophie stops twitching and refocuses her eyes. I can see her confusion, and she asks me, "Why am I not in bed mommy? Wasn't I in my bed?" (my first wake up mantra was "there is no place like home" - perhaps the brain defaults to a place of comfort?). I gather her into my arms, and now she is crying because I am crying, and I am failing to get a hold of myself. I keep telling her, "You're OK, baby! You're OK!" and she keeps repeating, "Why am I not in my bed, mommy?" like we are in a bad movie loop.

Craig hangs up the phone and the emergency team is on the way. He picks her up and we go downstairs. I call a friend to come watch the other two, as this is going to be a late night. The paramedics recommend Sophie go to the hospital, since we have a history of seizure in the family. In the ambulance, Sophie talks and talks and talks non-stop. He takes her temp, and she has a fever. She is very pale.

The ER is not quite the stuff of nightmares, but in a community that grew faster than the hospital, we are close to that. There are four paramedic beds waiting for a real bed, and people are in beds in open areas, in every hall. How are there not enough rooms for everyone? The Dr's first visit occurs while we are waiting in this hall. He checks her over and looks at her stats. It is her fever that gives him a clue to her condition - he thinks the seizure was brought on by a quickly spiking fever, but since she is just a bit out of the age range for that condition, ran interference on the cats, and has the family history, he gets her into a bed, and we begin an evening of tests.

Over the course of 5 hours, Sophie is the lucky recipient of several tests. First they do a chest CT. When we get back, they draw some blood and hook up an IV - she evidently needs fluids. When she says she needs to pee, the nurse hands me a cup. What a fun job for me. Afterwards, it takes Sophie a bit of time to fall asleep, as she is "nervous." At one point she jerks awake quickly and calls out, "Mommy! Mommy where are you?" She is a bit confused but remembers quickly where she is and eventually goes back to sleep. Craig and I doze on uncomfortable chairs, then I awake when I hear a noise right by the door. A large, jovial man has arrived with a wheelchair to take Sophie to have a head CT scan. The machine resembles a giant donut, and the man does a good job of being careful and caring for Sophie. Other than the paramedic in the back of the bus, this man has exhibited the most concern for my baby.

He tells me it will take about an hour for the films, and the dr should see us shortly after that. Once we are back in the bed, one more person arrives; Sophie's final test is an EKG, which is quick and easy. We turn off the light and fall back asleep.

I awake with a jerk as my hand and legs are numb from my sleeping position. Sophie has rolled to her side, and she is shivering a bit since her open backed hospital gown is not covered by the thin blanket. I am wrapped in a sheet because I am dressed for the 110 degree weather from earlier, not this hopsital the temperature of an industrial freezer. I cuddle with Sophie for a bit -- it is now after 3:30. A nurse comes in to look at the scratches on Sophies hand and clean them. She does a good job of getting much of the dried blood off Sophie's hand, and then uses a disinfecting wash to take care of the wounds. Another nurse comes in with the Doctor, and we get the final breakdown.

They don't know what caused the siezure (they never really do, do they?) but they think it was Febrile in nature (due to the spiking fever) but they are not 100% certain. As a result, they recommend taking her to a pediatric neurologist (wow, does history repeat itself!) which will most likely mean either another trip to Rady's children's Hospital in San Diego, but maybe we will get lucky and find a reference for the more local Loma Linda. They also prescribe hard core antibiotics for her hand ( I also hope it helps her ear which they say is not infected, but why else should it hurt so bad?). We receive our final paperwork and thank all the nurses and doctors who did their best and took care of my baby. We left just after 4 am.

We arrived home just around 4:30 am, thanked my friend, and Craig walked her to her car. I got Sophie some cereal and a glass of milk while she lamented her inability to use her right hand - the one of the cat scratches -- as they have it pretty heavily bandaged. She takes a few bites and wants to go to bed. I finish my cereal and tuck her in. She is already asleep.

I need to wash that shirt.

On Personal Responsibility

My son is 12 - he will be 13 in December, and I am so proud of him.

He just tested for his black belt in Tae Kwon Do, an accomplishment that has been 5 years in the making. Whether or not he passed, though, is not my moment of pride. My moment of pride involves the events leading up to that moment.

We homeschool, and one of the most important things I am trying to impart to my children is their ability to not only teach themselves, but to also have the personal accountability to do the work well (or better) and on time. For 12 yr old boys, this often extends to the realm of sports and video games, and not much else!

For the past month, my son has been working hard. In this month alone he: 1)completed the Weather Merit Badge for Boy Scouts; 2)completed all his requirements (only has meetings left) for his Second Class rank in scouts; 3) worked as an assistant instructor at his TKD studio for 5-6 hours, on top of his 4) 5-6 hours a week of TKD training. He has essentially worked more this month than *I* have, and that is a lot for a 12 yr old.

But it is more than the accomplishments. Not once did I have to say, "Hey, get to work on your Merit Badge!" or "It's time to practice TKD!" He took that initiative all on his own. When I told him he should start working on his merit badge, he showed me that he was already working on it, and had been for the past hour. He finished his presentation for it a month early as well. While I was upstairs with the girls, he asked if he could "YouTube" his forms to make sure he is practicing them correctly - and he did this for at least an hour a day, ON TOP of his 10-12 hours of class each week.

It is the fact that he stepped up, on his own; that he took the initiative to do the work; that he had the presence of mind to say to himself, "This needs to get done, so I better do it now," is something most ADULTS fail to do.

If nothing else in this world, my son has learned to step up and get the job done.
And that, my friend, is success.

I am becoming a hard core blogger

Instead of working on my books. Bad me! But I look at my blogs as material and notes I can draw from when I do write. I plan on doing a lot of that at the pool while in Vegas. Here is my schedule for Vegas:

Wake up, take pill, go work out for 30 mins, then come back and check email and the like for another 30 min (pill needs an hour to kick in).

Eat my breakfast. This is one area where, if I am having fruit and a granola bar and a glass of milk (my usual) I do not go halfsies. I need those 200-300 calories to start my day and prevent snacking later in the morning. I do only eat half the banana though - I learned recently that half a banana is one serving, so I guess I DO eat my "half" in that respect!

Finish any online work on the laptop. Then change into my (drumroll please) Bikini, grab the laptop, and head to the pool. With some sunscreen and a cool drink, I will begin writing. When the fire of writing burns out, I will then jump in the pool and swim, thus cooling off, and read until I dry off, then start again. I hope to get a huge chunk of writing done over the week!

Around lunch, find something quick and easy that I can cut in half, then go upstairs, shower, and get myself ready to find my hubby at his event. Hang with him and some friends until dinner, the party all night long (or until my bedtime, which is usually about midnight or so)!

Then start all over. I am excited about this writing opportunity - I have never really looked at a vacation as a writing opportunity before, but time to get started!

Vegas, oh ye mecca of partying and writing, here I come!

For more info about "I get half"

My hubby encouraged me to write about this experience. I am going to blog about it HERE to begin recording my little weight loss adventure. That way I have "notes" if I ever decide to write a book about it!

"I get half" Cult Following

Evidently, the "I get half" diet has been pretty successful. Not just for me, but for others as well!

It started with my homeschool group - I see them on a regular basis, and they were the first ones to really notice I was dropping weight. When I first told them all what I was doing, I was a bit embarrassed. I mean, really, there is nothing medical or proven about what I was doing. It just seemed like common sense to me that the easiest way to cut back on ALL my caloric intake was to cut it ALL in half. Then I just added in some of my own rules: fewer sweets, snacks had to be either fruit, cereal, or a cereal/granola bar (half, of course), and more exercise. I even picked up some ankle weights to wear around the house for the added caloric burn.

After some "half a gallon of ice cream" jokes, most of the women commented that it made sense and it was easy. No counting calories, keeping track of food, watch fat grams. The easiest way to cut calories is just to honestly CUT them - in half.

I first noticed it in my back - for some reason I was blessed with back fat. UGH. But that started dropping right away, and as a result, most people could see it dropping from my shoulders as well; I have a very defined collar bone now, and some strong tendons/muscles in my neck. Then my pants started falling off and the moms thought that was hilarious. My hubby has been talking about the weight loss for a week or more now, as it really sees it in my face.

So what is the point of all this? That it is funny how some things get started. My homeschool moms love the fact I am losing weight without a "diet" - just common sense. Their reply was pretty much "That is brilliant" and as word has spread, that is the response I get. My baby sitter loved the idea, and now many of the homeschool moms are doing the same thing (with their own little preference changes). I have had a few other people ask me what I was doing to lose the weight, and they all have the same response too: "brilliant!"

But now the word is really starting to spread - my hubby (who has a huge, extended network of people he knows) has been telling people about it when they complain abou their weight. He tells them, "You know, my wife starting losing weight with her "I get half" diet. . ." and gets pretty much the same reaction: "Brilliant!"

The end result is this little experiment I wanted to try to see if it would help me lose some weight has now lit a fire with others as well. I never expected to be a cult icon - but my diet seems to be one! And hey, if it works . . . why not?

Happy Losing everyone! Let's celebrate with half a glass of champagne and half a serving of cake! :)